The biggest 5 letter word I know… Trust is terrifying. Trust is difficult. Trust is frightening. Trust is shit. Trust is open. Trust is honest. And? Trust is hope.
From experience, if your trust has been shattered (whether that be by a friend, or in a relationship, by family or by professionals ((the list could go on)) ), it is easy to convince yourself that you will never trust anyone again. It is easy to allow yourself never to trust anyone again. It is, often, very easy to stop trusting yourself. And, distrust is a valid response. While this reaction is evolutionarily intended to prevent suffering again, it has a downside too. The hyper-vigilance we experience after a surviving betrayal can keep us isolated from others. Distrust is harmful.
You don’t have to let another person’s untrustworthiness affect your ability to trust.
It is okay to trust again. Trust is the foundation of human connections. Trust gives us permission to act freely… It has taken me 11 years of arguments, tears, hospital admissions, endless therapy sessions, more tears and almost dying for me to actually realise that trust is okKaY. That trusting professionals, family and friends is okay. Not just okay but necessary. Not just for myself but for them too. Trust is an attitude, it inspires others to trust us too.
Trusting others is having confidence that the decisions a person makes are based on love, consideration, and respect for you. You have faith that the person would avoid saying or doing anything that would hurt you. People make mistakes, but you have to believe that if you trust someone, they would never intentionally do anything to hurt you. When you respect and accept a person for who they are, you are willing to take risks. Rather than worry about being hurt, you are free to enjoy spending time with them.
Trust requires time and purpose. Life is not a smooth journey. The ones you love will hurt you, and you’ll hurt them too (God knows I’ve hurt the people I trust most ((and I’m so so sorry)) ). BUT, when we accept our own betrayals and mistakes, we are more willing to forgive others’.
It’s the price to pay for the good moments that bring happiness, hope, love and laughter to our lives. The magical moments.
Perhaps even more importantly, in my view, is trusting yourself.
I always thought that if I trusted myself, it would involve believing that what I do, say or know is always right (I mean, it nearly always is lol… but that’s not the point). I thought I would never be able to trust myself because having low self esteem means that I doubt almost every single thing I do, say or know. But, I am learning to trust myself. NOT because I believe that everything I do, say or know is correct…
BUT (!!) because I have began to trust my uncertainty rather than my certainty. I respond to my uncertainty not by accusing myself, but by taking a deep breath and saying: this is difficult. But, there is nothing wrong with that.
It means you stand firm on your values and follow through with integrity on your decisions.
BE KIND TO YOURSELF. LOVE YOURSELF.
Our inherent nature is good and trustworthy, so it’s natural to trust, and unnatural to be mistrusting.
Mistrust is learned – and you can unlearn it. Whether you mistrust yourself, or someone else.
“The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.”Ernest Hemingway
“Not everybody gets corrupted. You have to have a little faith in people.”
Trust is far from easy. But, trust is worth the risk.