It is okay not to love yourself. It is okay not to love your body.
In a world where body positivity is pervasive, ‘real women’ are everywhere and love is in abundance, it can feel so disorientating, confusing and difficult to navigate how you should feel about yourself. I feel ashamed that I do not love myself. Yes every single one of us should strive to feel self-love BUT…
This is something I struggle with on a daily basis. Growing up fuelled with nothing but self hatred, disgust and aiming to be anyone (or anything) but myself, I have never been able to get my head around this. It is something that baffles me still.
How can I love something that I have resolutely loathed for so long?
Recently, I have come to the conclusion that maybe self-love is too intimidating. Self-love is too much of a challenge at this point and, recently, I have realised that this is OKAY…
Love is a big emotion to access, particularly in the face of so much external and internal programming of hatred.
I need to learn how to survive, simply as me, before I am able to thrive.
Maybe I am placing an unfair expectation on myself right now… I can’t expect myself to miraculously leap from hatred to unconditional love of myself with a single bound. There is no catapult to throw my mind from one end of the spectrum to the other (Is there?? If anyone knows of one, plssss get in touch). Instead, I should strive for body acceptance. Maybe this should be my starting point… my blank slate. Maybe from these foundations I can work towards a little bit of body positivity.
- I am grateful that I have got a physically functioning body, that my body gets me from A to B.
- I am grateful that my body has battled for me and kept me alive, despite all the strain I have placed on it.
- I am grateful for my body. And all the evidence that I have lived a life of happiness and pain, great change and immense growth.
This is the next stop on my journey to self-love, and it is one stop further away from the torrent of self-hate.
Self-acceptance is okay. No more and no less.
What matters most is that this body is your vessel. It holds your beautiful mind, your personality, your happiness, your memories, your laughter and your love.
And, I accept that.